Breaking News: Norwich Promoted From Championship Last Year

You all get to read my satirical article for The Six Yard Box before it’s posted. How lucky are you?

Thorough inspection of the records have concluded that the Canaries of Norwich City FC were indeed promoted through automatic qualification from the Championship last year.

News of this magnitude has struck the Premier League with shock and disbelief. “I had no idea they were in the Championship last year,” admits Blackburn manager Steve Kean. “They have the look of a Premier League team, kits and all. Surprising news, that.”

One anonymous player for Norwich was quoted saying he was “gobsmacked” at hearing he news today. “This comes out of nowhere for us. We just showed up and played like we were told to. No one told us we were supposed to be the whipping boys of the Premier League.”

Even Norwich manager Paul Lambert is having a hard time coping with it all. “Honestly, it puts us in an awkward position. I mean, what are we supposed to do now that we know? I’ve already told the boys not to try so hard the rest of the season, else we might find ourselves finishing comfortably in the top half of the table. We might even do the unthinkable if we’re not careful: pull a Birmingham and win a cup we have no business winning.”

When Jonathan Hall, The FA Director of Football Services was reached for comment, he only had to say that “the club in question is an honest to goodness promoted team from last year.” When adding that Norwich didn’t even arrive via the play-off, it sent the media into an absolute frenzy.

Other Premier League clubs have expressed their extreme displeasure for not being made aware of Norwich’s promotion last year.

“We were caught completely off-guard,” said Newcastle manager Alan Pardew. “I’ve managed plenty of clubs in the lower divisions and they are not from a lower division. We demand to be compensated for our loss to them earlier in the season. To not warn the entire Premier League that Norwich was only in the Championship last year, then for us to lose to said team, well it makes us all look foolish!”

It is thought that the Canaries will finish out the season with no penalty for punching above their weight and will not be docked points that they had been silly enough to earn throughout the campaign.

By Chuck Givens